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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2013 20:22:41 GMT
What Lily really needed was to be alone. Ordinarily she had on a tough face, an I-can-do-anything kind of facade. She hid behind jokes and pulled pranks on other people to make them think she was still okay. She wasn't sure when her life stopped being okay, but her Uncle Ron's death hadn't helped matters. She couldn't even begin to imagine how her cousins were feeling. How was Rose and Hugo? It felt like it had been ages since she spoke to either of them, even though it had probably only been a few days at the most. She tried to avoid seeing them whenever possible. She knew it was a horrible thing to do but she didn't want to be around their grief while dealing with her own. The red-headed girl had been on a sort of downward spiral for a few years now and a death in the family was just pushing her over the edge. What had started as a small rebellion had turned into what some might call a personality disorder.
Lily Potter didn't know who she was. As she wandered through the corridors she wondered if she would have had this problem if she had not been born a Potter. None of the other kids seemed to have an issue with finding themselves. They all grew into it pretty naturally. But Lily didn't want to be known as the Potter girl. While she admired her father (and the rest of her family, for that matter) for what they had done for the wizarding world, she didn't want to have that legacy hanging over her head. It felt more like a cage than security. So she had thrown herself into bad choices and purposefully made mistakes. But now she had all but completely lost herself. This was no longer just a little rebellion and Lily wondered if this was the person she was really supposed to be.
Finally the Room of Requirement revealed itself and she walked into an empty room. A completely empty room. “Well, I suppose it took that whole wanting to be alone thing very literally,” she murmured to herself. She pulled her flask from her robes and took a sip of firewhiskey. She had snuck the drink into Hogwarts on the last Hogsmeade weekend and had been slowly drinking it, hoping she could score some more on the next weekend. With a sigh she walked over to a wall and leaned against it, loving how good it felt for eyes to not be on her right now.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2013 19:45:46 GMT
Stalking your cousin down the labyrinth of hallways within Hogwarts wasn't how Rose had wanted to spend her evening. Such a nice evening she had had planned out. Granted, it hadn't been all that much of anything. Perhaps reading a book in her bed for a bit before lights out was called. Maybe being a bit of a rebel and keeping a light on and reading late into the night. She hadn't felt like being a rebel very much lately. And now she even had to hunt down her own cousin, just to see her face to face. Lily had been avoiding her and well, it wasn't all that big of a question as to why. The avoidance though did dredge up a bit of resentment, as well as a fair bit of pity for her younger cousin. Rose hadn't been the only one to lose a family member.
Rose had spotted Lily turning a corner on her own way back to the Ravenclaw common room. Her cousin had seemed a bit - suspicious - to say the least. The two had been rather close as children, as all of the Weasley brood had been; pranking and what not sort of drawing some of them together. All less shiny memories now that she held onto to look back on fondly. Now though; seeing her not so little cousin sneaking around corners and through corridors, Rose was worried for her. The previous sort-of dismissal and her own avoidance towards the rest of her family vanished as she padded after her cousin. She'd get to the bottom of whatever was going on. She hoped.
The redhead grasped the handle of the door to the room of requirement just as it began to close. Who knew if it would disappear once it did close and she simply couldn't allow that to happen. Rose Let the door almost swing shut as to not let her presence be given away so quickly. After she had heard her cousin settle she slowly pulled the door back open; nearly silently stepping through the opening she provided herself with and slowly closing the door behind her, aware of every sound it made echoing through the empty room as if it were amplified.
Only turning a moment later did Rose spot her cousin sitting on the floor against a wall, drinking out of a flask. that led another wave of sadness at her for not noticing what her cousin surely had to be going through to need whatever alcoholic beverage she was currently drinking. So wrapped up in her own depression that she hadn't even noticed. "Lily? why are you drinking that?" Rose queried softly as she moved away from the door and into the room. If she was going to solve any problems she would need to know what was wrong. Her payment for being so wrapped up in herself and so oblivious to nearly everything and everyone around her in that time.
Rose padded over on soft feet and slid down to sit across from her cousin silently. Her eyes directed towards Lily with a mix of her sadness, curiosity and guilt shining within their depths. So long had she spent not noticing the important things. Walking past her cousin day in and day out and yet barely noticing all that great a change. Not truly interacting even outside of school as Lily was never around when they were all gathered to talk to. She missed her cousin. She missed pranking. She missed her father. She missed it all. All things that would become memories once upon a time and she would need to rebuild once again.
"Are you okay, Lils?"
Because Rose was going to make sure she was okay. Even if she had to tear down the walls Lily had built - not showing up around any of the family. Rose was going to make everything better, as mum used to say, and it would help her too. Surely it would help her too.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2013 8:15:39 GMT
Having some peace and quiet was a rare thing in the Weasley-Potter life-style. Normally Lily gravitated more toward the outgoing side, going out to the loud parties was sort of her thing now. But part of her craved the quiet. She didn't want to be around any yelling. She wanted to grieve without feeling guilty or bringing down a group of friends. She wanted to be free to be unhappy. And she wanted to be able to be happy moments around her family without feeling like a traitor. Lily put on such a tough face most of the time that sometimes even she forgot that she needed a little down time. The red-headed girl had been caught up in the wrong sort of scene for far too long. The problem was that a large part of her enjoyed that sort of thing. She liked going to parties. Lily enjoyed the feeling of being drunk and she liked that she could wake up some mornings not remembering that she felt like her life was falling apart. It was a small victory every time she felt whole for even the slightest of moments.
Her choice of clothing reflected how she felt – plain but obviously available. It was actually on the less trashy side of the assortment of clothes she had. A pair of low rise jeans and a plain red top that showed just enough of her stomach to be inviting to any guy who wanted to see if he could get lucky. But as Lily was (as far as she knew) alone, she thought it unlikely that anyone could make an offer. Not that she hadn't had a little fun earlier. A seventh year Ravenclaw boy was probably bragging to his roommates right now about the short make out session behind an old statue with the red-haired Gryffindor. It didn't matter to Lily. People would believe what they wanted to believe and she wasn't going to be able to change that, so why not just roll with it? Besides, it helped her little rebellion. Even if all that had been done was a little kissing, she was sure that the story would be something completely different by this time the next evening.
Lily was about to raise the flask to her lips another time when sh heard a familiar voice. Rose. Well this was going to be strange. Lily had done her best to avoid her cousins, especially Rose and Hugo, partially so they could mourn and partially so she could. She didn't want them to feel like her sadness was, for lack of a better word, annoying. She didn't have more of a claim to be upset than they did and she didn't want it to be awkward. Aside from that fact, she didn't think that Rose or Hugo really approved of the course Lily was on. Of course the entire thing had been a little gradual. Even now Lily wasn't entirely sure when she had gone from just a little rebellious to a complete mess. Everything had happened little-by-little and it had sort of just snuck up on her. But she wasn't feeling bad enough about it to change. She really liked some of the new things about herself.
“I'm drinking it because it tastes good.” Lily decided that was an adequate enough answer to the question, though not entirely truthful. Firewhiskey was strong and though the taste wasn't particularly great, it wasn't horrible either. Her head had turned to look at her cousin, but at the next question Lily turned back to her flask and took another drink. “I'm fine. I just didn't feel like dealing with the people in the dorm right now.” Again, a half-truth. It felt like she was surviving on half-truths with her family these days. “What are you doing in here anyway? I figured you'd be reading or something.” She tried not to make it sound like an insult, but maybe she was just a little jealous of the grades Rose could accomplish.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 3:18:26 GMT
Rose didn't want to keep wallowing like this for the rest of her life. It had already been too long, she was sure, and yet she still hadn't been able to yet pull herself out of it. She didn't have enough energy to carry on as she had been recently. Smiling through the pain and putting up a facade that "everything was okay" just so no one questioned anything and tried to get to the center of anything. Rose could manage herself on her own. All she needed was time to get herself together. Time that she didn't want to spend. Why couldn't she simply just move on, no matter the pain? She most certainly didn't want to forget anything about her father; all of his little quirks, but she didn't want her life to drag out like this either. It was simply too exhausting.
She wanted to shed this old skin that clung to her like a cloak, refusing to drop off and release her from its clutches. She wanted so many things. Some impossible. Moving forward was one she would settle for. Rose very well knew that nothing was going to be the same moving past the death of her father. It had changed her, shattered her feelings of peace and broken her out of the protective shell she had inhabited up until the point that they had gotten the news. When she found out about the cause and knew that, like her parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents; she too would be waging some sort of war as they had as children. Chilling to the core and just a bit of motivation to live her life the way she wanted to before she couldn't anymore.
Watching her cousin drink the fire whiskey was something Rose far from approved of. it was something that she had yet to even have thought of resorting to. Something that had never crossed her mind before. Yet she didn't truly dare to snatch the bottle from her cousin's hands and empty it upon the floor. how she wished she had the courage to do. She held out a hand for the bottle, just a bit slowly and inconspicuously. If she was handed the bottle that was what would happen. There would be no more drinking of the fire whiskey for the night. Rose could understand the mourning Lily was going through, even if it wasn't the same as her own. They had both lost someone important to them; even if Lily had been acting a bit off as of late anyway.
The elder redhead sighed at Lily's response. It wasn't much of an excuse to say the least - though she didn't approve of any cause that had any of her family resorting to drinking fire whiskey or any other alcoholic beverage. "That's not a very good excuse, you know." Rose retorted softly, her eyes fixed on Lily's face. She didn't want to have to resort to anything too severe in regard to the well being of her family members. Even if she struggled with the sharing of her own feelings. Rose grumbled softly when Lily stated that she just didn't feel like dealing with the people in her dorm at the minute. Certainly not the whole truth because something so simple wasn't just enough to drive her to drinking. There was something more that her cousin was avoiding telling her, that much could be ascertained. Fair guess it was something Rose should have noticed before this point in time.
Rose shrugged in response to Lily's next question, "I saw you on my way back to the tower and ended up here, I suppose." She stated with a shrug of her shoulders, almost certain it wouldn't do just as well to be telling Lily that she had been following her, even though that point was rather obvious from the start. "And I did consider going back to the dorms for a good read, but you ranked higher on the list." Rose replied with a smile for her cousin. A bit of humor, perhaps. She hadn't been cracking all that many jokes as of lately, but it felt good to break them out. She wasn't going to allow the slight edge of rudeness in her cousin's comment to strike back at her.
"What about you? How did you end up holed up down here?" Rose queried, managing to keep her voice softer. No use cornering your family and simply insulting them. They were family, after all.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2014 0:12:40 GMT
Now that Lily was in this situation, she didn't think there was a way she was going to get out of it. It was almost like her cousin had cornered her into having a conversation. Maybe that was exactly what Lily deserved. After all, she had been ignoring a large portion of her extended family lately, especially Rose and Hugo. She did feel bad about the way she had been treating people, but she just didn't know how else to go about the entire thing. Besides, Lily had been changing a lot before Uncle Ron had died. Who was to say her cousins even wanted anything to do with her anymore?
She arched an eyebrow at her cousin's waiting hand. There was no way Lily was going to give Rose the flask. She had only just gotten I back from the caretaker's office last week. This was her favorite one. Sure, if Rose took it Lily would have another, but this was the one Lily liked most. Really, how anyone could have made Lily a prefect was just mind boggling. But it had happened. The school had one fiery little red-head who broke the rules on a regular basis as one ID their school leaders. It was actually quit comical. In any case, Lily was not going to hand over her beloved flask. She ha started drinking before he uncle died an she wasn't going to stop now that he was no longer with them. She was way too stubborn for that. Instead she slid the flask under her clothes and figured maybe if it was bout of sight it would be out of her cousin's mind. "I hadn't intended it to be an excuse. I don't think there is anything wrong with having a little drink now an then." Of course, Lily's drinking preference was almost always in the now time frame.
Lily gave a small laugh at her cousin's explanation of why she was here. The Gryffindor girl was almost certain that Rose had followed her and here she had been proven right. Well, it was probably justified. Even though she laughed it wasn't in a mocking sort of way. Lily actually found the reasoning amusing and it felt good to have a real laugh with a family member, even if it was just a short one. "Well I guess it's food to know where I stand." She gave the Ravenclaw girl a smile. Lily still smiled a lot, but it was usually pretty fake it because he was incredibly intoxicated. It was a little strange to be having a normal (well. Semi-normal anyway) conversation. She gave a shrug as well before she answered Rose's question. "I like it here. I didn't think anyone would find me but I suppose since it's you I won't throw a huge fit." Her voice was even almost teasing. Funny how some aspects of he life could bounce back relatively easily. She knew there was a lot that needed to be prepared between her and Rose, but at least this was a start. Maybe not a very good one but one nonetheless. "Do you have anywhere you need to be or do you want to hang out for a little while?" Lily wasn't sure which answer she wanted. Maybe she wanted Rose to say yes and no at the same time. But she knew that wasn't possible.
((Ooc: sorry this isn't great. Writing from my phone I a pain))
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